July 5th was Troy's and my anniversary. We've been married a dozen years already - whoa. I was thinking tonight, while eating dinner on the porch, about how in 1997 we used to pass our Thursday evenings away at the Clark Street Ale House in downtown Chicago. We had spending money then and a lot of time on our hands. It was like whiplash having children, my whole social life went SCRREEECH! No more lazy impromptu brunches in Wicker Park , no Sunday afternoon matinees, no Filene's Basement. I was a girl in a mom's body. You want us to do what?! I thought - I prayed. Raise these fragile, needy, wet and hungry teeny-tinys? Give up everything? It turns out He did. Who would of thought we had it in us to become parents?
It wasn't sudden, by any means, but at some point along the way we settled in to our new reality of evenings at home and hectic mornings, loud mornings - even on the weekends. I think they're like glue, our kids - sticky and binding. The more hands-on we are in their lives the more impossible it becomes for Troy and I to detach ourselves from one another. "Mary went all by herself to pee in the upstairs bathroom," I tell him excitedly on the phone because who else in this world would find that specific accomplishment anywhere near as thrilling as he would - her dad, my partner? The more of myself I surrender to our four sons and daughters, to him, to God, the less insecure I feel in general. How fascinating.
"I'll take Elijah to that play audition," Troy offered tonight after supper. The audition: our this Saturday's only foreseen highlight - no dancing shoes, cab fare or reservations required. When exactly was it I started becoming so easily satisfied, so honest to goodness appreciative of the littlest of kind-hearted gestures? Believe me, I have my moments, so many moments I want to run far, far away, to escape to a world where whining, bickering and whining (wait...did I say that already?) is non-existent. But still, regardless, I like Troy and I both better now than before, when we were young and overly preoccupied with our own needs and wants, having been so stretched and challenged for the sake of love and faith and growth. It's been an amazing ride so far, this precious marriage of ours, to say the least.
