As my blog title suggests, I am continually on a quest for patience, it being the holy grail of mothering and all. Did you know there was a time, approximately twelve and half years ago, when I assumed I was patient? I am a patient person, I'd decided. Then parenthood swooped in with its sleepless nights, unpredictability, unfathomable messes and LOUDNESS to squarely put me in my place. I spent my first five years raising children scratching my head in confusion and asking "Where did it go?" Finally, it dawned on me that patience isn't something I can own. It is elusive - it must be sought after, prayed ceaselessly for. Patience can't be controlled or manipulated.
Patience requires that I work for it, that I put forth some effort to reign in the angry words bubbling forth from my seething undercurrent of frustration. Dear God, help me keep my mouth shut till I calm down! I have to literally beg of Him in the thick of it. Then lo and behold, when and where I least expect it, patience will rain down upon me extinguishing the fire of my fury. And in that full awareness of my unworthiness of such a gift, I can only respond, "Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!"
I experienced this just yesterday, when I told my sons to come and take a walk with their aunt and me. Throughout the last week, I'd been at my wits end trying to acclimate myself to my kids' rapidly evolving longings for more freedom, and to pre-teen mindsets in general. We'd been butting heads. Havemercyonmehavemercyonmehavemercyonme, I'd been praying in the car, at the dinner table, lying in bed. Then there we were on an impromptu stroll through the park not compromising or talking out our issues but just being together while the sun shone and the fall colored leaves dazzled. Mysteriously missing was all tension between us. It felt wonderful, freeing, like a much needed do-over. Presently, I'm still reveling in that merciful boost of patience. May I use it wisely.
Oh thank You, thank You, thank You for countless new beginnings.
Do you have a photo or reflection on patience to share? Please link to your site in the comment section below.
Next week's The Way I See It theme will be: Simplicity